"Not My Problem, Part 1" - Monday Moment - May 15, 2023

Happy Monday, friends! Because of the work I do and because my interests are follow a fairly activist bent, I get a ton of emails asking me to sign petitions, attend demonstrations, contribute to, write a letter for, or take some sort of action for a particular cause. Approximately, 60% of time I think, “Yes, I need to do something about that!” or “That’s a great prospective, how can I add it to what I’m/we’re already doing?” Maybe 35% of the time I think, “that’s a great cause and I’m glad someone’s working on it, but I/we don’t have the capacity to get involved.” Finally, about 5% of the time I think, “who the hell cares about that and why is someone dedicating energy to that when we have <insert a litany of attacks against Queer people, BIPOC people, women, the general threat of gun violence, hunger, poverty, and homelessness>?” A few days ago, I received an email from Change.org alerting me to a petition about cats being declawed.

On that particular day I was tired, stressed, trying to get caught up on work, and had hopelessness buzzing around my head. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the petition and thought, “that’s got to be a joke?” I read the message, complete with a photo of a sad-looking cat and the words, “Declawing is amputation, whether performed by scalpel, clippers, or laser.” I won’t repeat the string of obscenities I shouted at my computer screen, but I had a visceral reaction. Regaining my composure and admitting that my reaction was more extra than I meant it to be, I was drawn into reflecting on that reaction.

Yes, as a Queer person who believes that his faith moves him to socially just action, I believe that there are bigger issues with greater repercussions than declawing cats. However, for someone else, that is their major policy issue right now. I know for a fact that there are many people who can’t understand why I support the issues I do or why I approach those issues from a certain perspective. As humans we are almost hardwired to involve ourselves in the work, lives, and drama of other humans. So, we tell ourselves that it’s not our problem and we do our best to rest assured that it really isn’t our problem. We push the matter aside and move on with our business. This is a healthy approach, right? Let’s attend to ourselves and leave other people alone. It’s not our problem.

When have you involved yourself in someone else’s business? In someone else’s drama?

Let us pray: God, support each one of us in our business. Help us resist the temptation to involve ourselves where we need not be. Keep us out of needless drama. Help us see where our perspectives are welcome and those times that others should speak. Remind us that there is much work in bending the arc towards justice and we cannot do everything. We ask this because alone we struggle to know that every problem is not our problem. Amen.

Blessings on your week, my friends! Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Faithfully,

Ben

"Rest" - Monday Moment - May 8, 2023

Happy Monday, my friends! Some people do vacations really well. They know what they want, what they need, and what they enjoy. They easily disconnect and settle into whatever their time away is going to be. I know one couple who love cruises, another couple who need some type of adventure, many of my fraternity brothers need to burn energy hiking or skiing. My family all needs different things and our vacations are always an exercise in compromise. My mom wants quiet away from home; my sister wants the same thing, but with a bit of adventure thrown in; my brother-in-law needs adventure and activity of some kind; my dad would be perfectly happy doing what he does every day in retirement; and my ideal vacation involves being left alone with only enough WiFi to stream music, my laptop to write, and no temptation of email, social media, TV, or news reports. Like I said, family vacations are a compromise.

No matter what type of vacation you prefer or what you consider relaxing, rest is important. In fact, rest is sacred. After creating the world, God rests and sets that day as the first day of the week, meaning that God recognizes that we all need rest to be ready for our work and lives. Sleep, rest, and time away from the business of the world features heavily throughout the Bible with Moses going up various mountains to speak directly to God, John the Baptist and Jesus going into the desert to pray and reflect. Almost every religious tradition includes some version of contemplative or monastic experience which can be forms of rest.

Tricia Hersey, found of the Nap Ministry, calls a rest a form of resistance. When we intentionally take time for ourselves, we fight back against a culture which tells us that success and achievement can only be won through work and more work. Often called “grind culture,” the American work culture, even post pandemic, reflects a model of white supremacy where if you only work harder than everyone else you will eventually get ahead. The truth is that many people—white people included—will never be able to improve their conditions through hard work alone. While commitment and dedication are helpful, money, connections, and luck all have more ability to lift a person and their ideas. Resisting this narrative and even refusing to participate in it, is a way of reclaiming ourselves and our mental and physical health.

How do you rest? What do you need to feel relaxed?

Let us pray: God, make our rest an act of resistance to the world and its culture of endless work. Help us step away from moments of “powering through” and from goals of “grinding.” Empower us to take time away and disconnect. Remind us that until quite recently rest and relaxation was more than a passing whim. In all things, help us know that even you, creator of all, rested. Amen.

Blessings on your week, my friends! Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Faithfully,

Ben

"Siblings" - Monday Moment - May 1, 2023

Happy Monday, my friends! Just as each family is unique so too is each sibling relationship. When my sister was born—32 years ago today to be exact—I was neither ready nor pleased with the arrival of this small, premature child. I would not grow into the good big brother I was expected to be. In fact, at just shy of four years old, I was introduced to Emma in my mom’s hospital room and, to my eternal shame, smacked her on the back. The next memory I have is being at the airport watching the planes land and takeoff with my aunt, but I’m told the scene turned into something out of a movie as my parents sat shocked, my sister cried, the nurse gave me a look that could kill, and my aunt whisked me out of the room. Our relationship remained rocky throughout childhood and adulthood, perhaps only improving as I moved around the East Coast. Where she is practical, conservative, and predictable, I’m quirky, liberal, and change my mind all the time. I was a loner who liked school, church, and ample quiet time. She likes being around friends and was indifferent to school (though she is smarter than me). She was the athlete in the family, while I was in theater or church. She’s straight, married to a man with a good job, and the mother of an adorable little boy. I’m Queer, single (and looking!), and much too busy/poor to raise a child. Simply put, we’re different.

The Bible is not particularly full of good sibling examples. Of the very first pair of siblings mentioned, Cain kills Abel. Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery. Jacob deceives his father to steal Esau’s inheritance. Moses leaves the Israelite camp in the charge of his brother and sister only to return to find that they created an idol which they are worshipping. Even chosen sibling relationships sour: the apostles can’t stay awake with Jesus and Peter denies even knowing Jesus.

Sibling rivalries are normal, even expected. No matter the number of siblings or the resources to be contested, siblings tend to find something to challenge each other over. Most of us, granted, come to some type of peace with our siblings. We learn how to get along or at least we learn which buttons not to push. We learn that as different as these people might be from us, they are our closest family members, and that connection will never fully end.

My sister and I may have a weird, sometimes distant, sometimes very close relationship—made even stronger by her son who I adore and who thinks the world of me—but we are always there for each other. We even talk to each other sometimes, a fact that astonishes our skeptical parents.

Who are your siblings—biological, chosen, or adoptive? What place do they have in your life?

Let us pray: God, thank you for our siblings…even when they test our patience, drive us bonkers, and make us tear our remaining hair out. Thank you for giving us people who challenged us to develop diplomacy when we were young and who continue to teach us grace as we get older. Thank you for the chosen siblings you have brought into our lives, yes, even when they too test our limits. We ask this all in Jesus’ name, remembering that like us he had siblings. Amen.

Blessings on your week, my friends! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Faithfully,

Ben