Coming Out Is a Privilege

Monday, October 26, 2026

Happy Monday, my friends! If you’ve been following Monday Moments for a while, you’ve probably read about my personal coming out day and my annual celebrations. The LGBTQIA+ community, at least in the United States, celebrates National Coming Out Day on October 11 each year. In addition to that day, I mark the approximate date I came out as October 25. I know I came out in the fall of 2007 when I was a sophomore at Sewanee, but I can’t pinpoint the exact date. There’s also a question of which of two moments counts as my first “coming out.” Was it when one of my professors and mentors pieced it together and said, “I think you think you’re gay”? Or was it when, of my own volition, I told one of my friends, “I’m gay”? In either case, a year later someone asked me and I guessed October 25, a Saturday that year and therefore an excuse to drink with friends. From then on either October 25 or the closest weekend night, I’ve had at least one drink and toasted a moment that radically and fundamentally changed my life in all the right ways. This past Friday I gathered 14 friends and family, including, for the first time, both of my nephews, and celebrated 19 years out of the closet.

Despite the increased visibility of the LGBTQIA+ community in the last decade, it remains a privilege to come out and to come out on your own terms. Too many Queer people are forced out by peers, nonaffirming family, and both traditional and social media. Kit Connor, the actor who played Nick Nelson in the TV adaptation of Heartstopper, has spoken candidly about how the media pursued him with questions about his sexual orientation following the show’s first season. Connor, much like his character, struggled to label his identity and was conflicted about the need for a label at all before finally claiming the identity of “bisexual” as an imperfect, but good enough description of himself.

Sadly, even in 2026, even in the most affirming places, coming out is a privilege. In case you’re an ally or an LGBTQIA+ person who’s been out for so long that you, like me, assume that everyone knows we’re Queer, remember that for most people coming out is a lifelong process as they meet and interact with new people or people they knew before they came out. Coming out early in life is a privilege. Coming out later in life is a privilege. Coming out at any point of life is a privilege. Coming out is a privilege.

What was it like to come out? What factors delayed or restricted your coming out?

Let us pray: Gracious God, we lift up all LGBTQIA+ people who struggle to come out for any reason. Remove the barriers they face and empower them into situations where they can live as their full and authentic selves. Help us build a world where coming out as Queer isn’t a major event, but a part of our normal lives. Until then, wrap the LGBTQIA+ community tightly in your amazing embrace. We ask this in the name of our Savior and Liberator, Jesus. Amen.

Blessings on your weeks, my friends! Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.

Faithfully,

Ben +

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