Louder Love

The Rev. Lucy Kelly

Allied Person of Faith

Quote

“When what we offer folks is a restricted diet of love and do not provide an equal portion of justice, we are only talking about a partial gospel — not a whole one.”

-Emilie Townes, “In a Blaze of Glory” (1995)

Devotion

Read John 3:17.

During an intergenerational reflection event for the play, The Laramie Project, a college student asked a question, “If hate is usually shouted, and love is often a gentle whisper…how do we make love louder?” Our reconciling ministry and our church leaders have wrestled with this question ever since. My eyes (and ears) are constantly on the lookout for this louder love. I saw it at the Pride festival in Grove City, OH, where everyone’s true colors were celebrated and applauded. I hear it on social media when someone kindly explains Queer terminology to help educate the masses. I saw it on a beautiful mural painted on a church wall in East Dallas, TX; it said: “Together we flourish,” and in the background was the Pride flag, hands holding the peace sign in various skin tones, and the Trans flag. I hear it in the beautiful music by the band The Many, which we sing in worship regularly. I saw and heard it when I met up with other clergy at the state house to plead for gender-affirming care. I see it every time I spot a Pride flag, anywhere.

The Pride flag has become lifesaving for my family (i.e., a symbol of openness, safety, affirmation, justice, and love). My oldest child is Trans male, and he is very patient with me and his dad. We have always tried to lead with love and offer the best care to help him flourish, feel safe, and be proud of who he is. It turns out, loving as a gentle whisper is not always enough. We discovered that as we educated ourselves on gender-affirming care, found support groups for all of us, and sought affirming health providers…the more obvious it was that our love needed to be louder…if we hoped for it to transform us. Our child knows who he is and who he wants to continue to grow into.

As we stopped constantly questioning our parenting, we realized that our child thrives when we openly declare our love and support of him being his authentic self. We told family and friends our child’s chosen name and pronouns, with confidence and pride. What we received in return was either respect or love. Respect was shown by honoring our request to support our child’s name and pronouns, even if they did not understand or agree (they generally kept that opinion to themselves). Love was shown in a different way. People who walked this journey closely with us, showed us compassion as parents while also honoring our child and his needs. These friends didn’t judge or question our parenting; they encouraged us to transform and make hard decisions. They saw our failures and struggles, and they cried with us. They did not condemn us; they stayed with us. They are helping love to be louder; love that transforms me and my spouse. They continue to support our child with affirmation.

As parents, we would love to put a protective bubble around our children so the world cannot hurt them. We do not want them to feel the need to fit in just to avoid standing out. What our children need, however, is to be empowered to be their authentic selves in a world that will always be filled with challenges and ignorance (hate). We love our child. We want him to love himself. We will continue to get some things wrong, but we will keep love loud.

Jesus did not come to condemn the world, but to save it. He did not come to offer hate; he came to share love through justice. This is the louder love that transforms us.

Reflection

1. What does louder love look/sound like to you? Where have you seen/heard/felt this louder love?

2. Was there a time in your life when you needed this louder love, but all you experienced was a whisper (or worse)?

3. What does it mean to you to focus on the text of John 3:17 (rather than the popular John 3:16)?

Action

Find ways to offer louder love in this world. What can you do today to help someone know they are loved?