Queer Sabbath

Sunday, July 12, 2026

Kelly Crouch

LGBTQIA+ Person of Faith

LOVEboldly Board Member Alum

Quote

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

    you discern my thoughts from far away.

You search out my path and my lying down

    and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

    O Lord, you know it completely.

~Psalm 139:1-4

Devotion

I learned the truth about my Transness during the first winter of lockdown. The solitude of the pandemic gave me the time and space to look inward. I realized that I cared a lot about what people thought of me. I had been dressing to impress others without asking myself how I would like to show up in the world.

Fully embracing my femininity for the first time brought me so much joy. It also came with growing pains. Learning to inhabit my body in a new way was overwhelming. There was so much to learn about clothing and makeup. There were so many decisions to make, from choosing a name to considering hormones. On one occasion I nearly burst into tears in a Sephora trying to make sense of the sea of beauty products.

I resolved to take the pressure off my transition by adopting a weekend ritual I called my “Queer sabbath.” Every Saturday I committed to only doing joyful activities that affirmed my Queerness while abstaining from work. There was no rush to figure everything out—I simply gave myself permission to pursue beauty for the sake of beauty and joy for the sake of joy.

I spent my Saturdays connecting with my Queer chosen family, watching makeup tutorials, and experimenting with different clothing styles. My sabbaths created a sacred space where I had nothing to prove to myself or others. I could simply be.

Lockdown eventually lifted and forced me to leave my cocoon. Suddenly I had to reenter society and worry about how people perceived me. Somehow things seemed easier in isolation. I wanted so badly for people to see me the way I saw myself. But how does one even begin to explain the things that we know in our heart of hearts?

I was meeting regularly with a spiritual director during this time. We were working together to remove blockages to my relationship with God. In my case, the relationship was obscured by theology that viewed my Queerness as unholy. Over time I was able to open up myself to a God that delighted in me for who I am, in all of my Queerness.

I began to experience God in parts of my soul that were aching to be understood. During the pandemic I discovered a place within myself that only I understood but couldn’t fully articulate to someone, even if I wanted to. But as I became more open to the presence of Spirit in these hidden parts of me, I became less dependent on outward recognition. Regardless of where I was in my transition, I held the peace of knowing that I was seen for who I am and who I am becoming.

It is said that coming out is a lifelong process. The good news is that God knows and loves us before we’re even out of the closet. When I find myself overwhelmed or misunderstood, my sabbath practice reminds me that I am fully known and fully loved. 

Reflection

1. What gets in the way of letting God love your Queerness?

2. What are the parts of you that ache to be known?

3. How can you experience your Queerness through rest rather than labor?

Action

Create a Queer sabbath ritual for yourself. Write down the things you will do to rest and find joy in your Queerness. Reflect on your experience of Spirit when you slow down and allow your authentic self to be made visible.